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| I have a different xanga now. I have my reasons for switching that I don't need to go into here. If any of you are still interested in what is going on - go here
www.xanga.com/mattgromley
then go get the new Thrice CD and listen to it a million times.
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| It's been an interesting day, to say the least. I woke up late, read 1 Peter. Took some pictures. Did some work on my computer. Took some more pictures. Read a lot in UNchristian (so far a fantastic book). Not the most productive of days. I was interested in what so of the message board posts were today on SocialVibe so I checked it out. When I got there, I finally found something to do. While there were 2 main subjects I began responding to, I feel compelled to write about only 1 of them tonite, so I can do another update tomorrow.
So I got to some posts dealing with love. People who want to know what it means and why can't they understand it. How can they understand it? No one is sure and every post keeps repeating the same things...
Yeah, of course love is real! I've felt it! Even though we broke up, I still love him
Love's real, I guess - but it's a feeling that comes and goes at times.
I think love is real but I can't say I've felt it yet. I think it's something we're not supposed to understand yet though, but one day - we will!
Anybody noticing a common theme to these posts? Felt - felt - felt, everyone keeps talking about how they've 'felt' love. I guess when it comes down to it, sure you can say that love is a feeling. I mean, after all, I love my Macbook Pro and I love Dr. Pepper. I love music and I love my guitar. I love ... well... you get it.
At this point, however, most people would start to call me 'materialistic.' I don't think I am, as I was merely using those as examples. If we make love into a feeling, then we make it into an adjective, therefore defeating it's true intent and meaning. When love becomes a feeling, an adjective, it's merely describing us in that context. It's why, all to often, the one getting dumped doesn't understand what's happening because "he/she loved me though!" It, sadly, also becomes a word of abuse too. Let's face it, the word 'love' is very possibly the most abused word in the english language, maybe in all languages.
When it became a feeling, it lost it's context, it's meaning, it's identity. It became a word that no one believes in anymore and why is that? Because the girl getting beat by her no-good boyfriend says, "but he loves me. I know he does. He just gets angry." Or because when someone doesn't want to sleep with their boyfriend or girlfriend, they'll resort to, "but I love you!" I guess when a word is used in ways to gain something, I wouldn't want to believe in it either. There was a time when I didn't.
So where is there hope then? How can love truly exist when it's being abused like this? Well, like I said before, when it's being used to gain something by using the other person, then I wouldn't want to believe in it either. But what if we reversed it? What if love became a word used to give something? What if love, instead of describing a feeling, became an action verb? How would that look?
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
Now, I know that is a very over used verse, but it fully pertains to what I'm talking about. God, who is love in it's truest form, obviously knows how to show such a thing. God gave. To show that he loved the world, he gave. He gave his only son, Jesus, that whoever believes may live in his kingdom.
For those who don't believe the Bible to be truth, bear with me here. Let's think about this. If love became something that was about giving instead of receiving, how would that look? I'm sorry, but love is not merely a feeling. Emotions are complicated enough as it is and if that's all that love was, then it's just another obstacle in my way. Love is something so much more though. My mother really enlightened me on this subject a few years ago. It was a really amazing talk that I still remember most of what we talked about (and I actually remember exactly what we were doing too.) We were driving in her car, on our way to pick up my computer from the Apple Store in Shadyside. She knew a different way to get into the city than I did and I think, actually, this road took longer to get to. So, we began talking about various different things. How school was going, was I enjoying living in the city, and eventually, somehow, the topic of love came up. She then said one of the most profound things I've ever been told. She said,
"Matthew, I want you to understand something that took me a long time to realize. Love is not a feeling. It's an action. You choose to love and you choose not to love."
This really hit me hard. I never had thought of it that way. She then began telling about how she figured this out and how it has helped her and helped her relationship with my father. Then I think back, and can understand what she's talking about because of the dramatic changes I saw in the both of them from just a few years prior. That's when I really did realize that love is something you do, not something you feel.
When we begin to see love for what it is, an action verb, then we will really be able discover it's power. That's when we'll finally be able to rise up and start revolutions. Why? Because, how would it look if we chose to love those who test us and hurt us constantly. How could their lives be changed? And, if their lives are changed and they come to the same realization and begin to love the people who try them and test them and hate them, could they have a similar reaction?
With this realization, however, it still needs to be understood that love is not easy. Why? Cause love means choosing to do so even when (and especially when) we don't want to. Love means choosing to stay beside this person even though they have hurt us. Love means getting up at 1:45 in the morning and driving however far away just so you can be there for that person who is in need...and doing everytime. (I do think there is a limit on this one though, because I'm sure someone 6 hours away has other people close by who can help them, so I'm not saying to show love to drive across state, but man would that get the point across!) Love is understanding that people have flaws, so I'm not going to hold this one against you even though it really hurt me. Love means giving her the last drumstick in the KFC bucket. It's why God wastes his time on a world that doesn't care (that's a plug. Go buy Brian Morgante's CD...now.)
Love is complicated, but worth it in my opinion. We've seen revolutions rise up and change nations because of love. Love can still cause revolutions, and does. We can start a revolution. The revolution starts with love. Let's begin treating love as an action verb instead of just another word in our vocabulary. Let's start loving the people we really don't want to. Let's stop treating love like something that is about me, me, me and start treating it as something for you and them, him and her. Let's make love about the other person and not about ourselves.
I think I got my point across. I think I felt so passionate about writing about this because I've really been struggling with it lately. I feel so bitter. I can't really figure out why but I know my attitude isn't helping those around me. I tend to get very defensive around people who have hurt me previously too. I'm really trying though. I even started praying for those who upset me now as a means to help me really learn how to love them. I don't simply want to talk a lot of talk but not be able to try and put what I'm saying into motion. I really am trying, and no where in here did I say love was easy. In fact, I think I said it was hard. I don't feel like scrolling up to check and see though so...love is hard. There, I said it. I'm trying though. I'm trying to show these people that I care about them and would hate to see anything bad happen to them and I want them to prosper in what they're doing. When buttons get pushed though, at least my buttons, it gets difficult to respond in a loving manner to people. I'm hoping that I'll be able to though because I would hate for any of them to think that I hate them. I'm trying guys. I am. Hold me to it too!
I wonder if hours upon hours of Switchfoot and Brian Mortgante have helped influence this also. Probably, but it's something I really believe. My mother hit me with one of the best pieces of advice I'd ever been given. Thanks mom! I hope, for those of you who were confused on this subject, that it has made you think. I don't think we'll ever be able to truly grasp all that love is, but I think we can experience it a little when we leave the feeling part and move to the giving part. Have a wonderful day. Blessings.
Currently Listening
CD: It's A Long, Long, Long Way Down
by Brian Morgante
for more: Brian Morgante's Website
PS - Brian (my friend who I'm listening to right now) is working on a new CD under the name "Awaken, North Wind!" Make sure you get that CD when it comes out. It's seriously going to be amazing. And go buy his EP. It is one of my most listened to CD's of the year.
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| Brief update for all you readers (yes, I'm still alive).
I ended up not going to Invisible Children (though I'm still doing work for them), but instead am doing missionary work through YWAM. Right now, I'm in the Amazon.
I'm sure I'll update this thing soon, but I am starting volunteer work for The Redemption Project and To Write Love On Her Arms as well.
More about all this at another time!
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| So, I'm sitting in Crazy Mocha, trying to figure out a number of things.
- What do I want to drink? I work here, I've had a lot of this stuff, do i want something different?
- How will I go about describing my amazing time last weekend in San Diego?
- How can I get back to San Diego ASAP and work for Invisible Children?
- How AWESOME was I Am Legend? (VERY!)
- What's this strange rash on my leg?
Okay, maybe I should have stopped at 3...although 4 should be considered by all who read this. It was a great movie in my opinion. Don't expect a horror film. It's not. Expect a Suspenseful Drama with some sweet Action. Yeah. Anyways...
Answer to number 1 - Cherry Hot Chocolate. Mmmm. My specialty.
Answer to number 2 - below:
So I left off with my having spent time with Ashley and the Roadies in San Diego. So I'll start from there. Got up, had breakfast, then since it seemed to just be me and Ashley there (all the roadies were busy getting ready for the first night of the conference) we decided to explore. So we drove downtown and walked around for a bit. I'd never been to an outdoor mall until now and it was weird. I felt like I was in some weird amusement park. I liked it though...sort of. Their Vans store and their Volcolm Stone store out there were like heaven for me. To bad I couldn't spend the money. I would have if I could have.
We searched for a place to eat for an hour or something. It was bad. When we finally did, it was about 5 o' clock. It was a good way to kill the next hour and a half. We sat down and got our food (which was delicious) and before we knew it, it was time for us to go down to the conference.
I didn't think there would be that many people there. I sort of wondered and gave it a chance but didn't really think there would be that many people there. It was packed. Really nice dining hall area, people everywhere, friends. Good stuff.
The conference started with an introduction by the filmmakers. They explained to us how they would be showing about 13 short videos. Some had been barely seen by anyone, others had never been seen by anyone, and the rest had been stopped from being shown for legal reasons (they showed us but couldn't show the public). A lot of them were pretty funny. The first night of the conference was pretty much just that though...videos, filmmakers talking about stuff, meeting people, more videos, etc. It was a really cool night though. It was really nice to meet up with a few people that I hadn't seen in a while as well.
Day 2 starts at 7am. I hate mornings. I am groggy, irritated, slow and just a mess when I wake up. I go to breakfast and eat, have some tea, and feel better. Tea always makes me feel better. It seemed though that, just as I had gotten there to eat, it was time to leave for the Invisible Children office. So we all left (there were a lot of people at my hotel that were IC volunteers). The office was pretty cool. Ashley and I got there together cause, like I said before, she got a car and wasn't about to drive around alone cause that would be boring. Our good buddy on the East Coast Tour Team, Michelle gave us a tour of the office which didn't take very long. There was a good amount of time to just sit around and hang out before they started day 2 of the conference.
This day was pretty cool. They did a lot of explaining on different levels, from what IC has done since they started, to what they have accomplished in Uganda, what they are looking to do in the future, and general knowledge that they wanted us to know. After an hour or so, we broke off to our seminars. The first one for me was History of the War - taught by Laren Poole (one of the filmmakers). He went back a ways and showed us that the conflict in Northern Uganda cannot only be tied down to Museveni or the LRA but goes deeper into their past and also that it's not a good vs. bad issue. The conflict in Northern Uganda just needs to end, period. I didn't realize before hand how much more there was to this war and how much more complex it was. When the seminar ended, I was pretty overloaded with information but I didn't mind because I was really interested in the subject matter. I like history.
When we broke for lunch, we were told that, next door to the IC office was a company that made these inflatable Air jumpy things - whatever they're called. Like inflatable playgrounds. They were huge and so much fun. I thought I was going to throw up for about 10 minutes after I had gotten out of there because I was so exhausted.
This post, I've just realised, is very poorly constructed and probably pretty boring. Sorry.
After lunch, we attended two more seminars. It was nice to learn more about what goes on at IC, what we can do, and what was going on in the future. So after all this, we get to dinner time...but before dinner, comes pre-dinner theater. Some of the workers (including 2 of the filmmakers) did skits for us. They were pretty funny. After that we had dinner and then we had the Roadie challenge. I'd heard about it previously and said I wanted to do it, so Ashley AND the roadies that I knew all started yelling a nomination for me to do the challenge when they asked for nominations. I was the first person called. The challenge wasn't all that easy. I lost in the second round but did get a really sweet prize for being a winner in the first. Michelle is still jealous of me. Haha.
After this, we played running cherades. My team lost in the second round (always those second rounds man!) Oh well.
The night ended with a dance party. They turned on some rap/hip-hop/dancy music and every participated in a dance party. It was pretty funny.
The third day started a little later. I think I got up around 8:30 or something. I don't really remember. I was tired and wanted to sleep more. When we got to the banquet area, a ton of people had already arrived. They started off the day by telling stories about trips. Crazy stories about this or that. They asked who had the craziest travel story coming to the conference. After our encounter with George Walker on Southwest, Ashley and I knew we had the sweetest story to tell. So we did, and people loved it. I had a lot of fun telling the story because we acted out a lot of what happened, including my acting like George. I may have looked like a fool but everyone seemed to enjoy the story and apparently some still remember the story. I'm glad I could leave some sort of impact on those who attended.
The conference ended with groups telling of different ways/ideas to try and do more for IC. Different ways to go about fundraising or to raise awareness or...whatever. A lot of people had really good ideas too. I'm currently in the process of getting one of mine going right now. If it works, then Pittsburgh is in for one hell of a beginning to spring. Sweet!
I had a few hours before my flight left, so I went up to the roadie house and hung out with the roadies. I was really happy to have met the rest of the roadies this weekend because they were all just really awesome people. I was pretty upset when I had to leave. I really didn't want to. In fact, I'm in the process of finishing my application to be a roadie/intern for them in 2008. I really want nothing more than to work for them right now. It's been a week and it's still the only thing I want to do when I graduate. I just want to go to San Diego and start working for them.
So that was my weekend with some detail. I loved it. It's such a hard experience to talk about and explain because so much happened that, doesn't sound exciting to talk about, but was very exciting to experience. You really just had to be there. So I guess this post is going to end up being more for me to look back on than anything. It really was one of the best weekends of my life. I enjoyed myself so much. It was really cool to come home on a flight with a friend I made from the conference too and sit by her and have company on the flight. Yeah. Pretty cool. Great weekend.
Now I just need to finish this application so I can move out there and work for them (hopefully). Tomorrow there is going to be a benefit for Invisible Children at a theater in Pittsburgh. I'm excited because I'm going to get to speak at it, which I really enjoy doing. Hopefully, I can start doing showings and speaking at more schools to try and get more middle schools, high schools and colleges in the area involved (so if you are somewhere in the tri-state area and want to get your school more involved, let me know! I want to come speak at your school!)
Yep. Last weekend was great.
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